Learning to be Different
Are you adopted? Are you a different race from your adoptive family? Do you feel like you just don’t fit in anywhere? If so, you’re a transracial adoptee. You’re not alone; many transracial adoptees struggle to build an identity that encompasses both their adoptive family and their racial identity. Because your adoptive family may not have experienced what it feels like to be adopted, it can feel lonely and isolating, almost like a burden you must carry alone.
Many factors contribute to the development of your identity, and it is a non-linear, lifelong journey many transracial adoptees experience. For transracial adoptees, there’s an added layer of nuances to the adoption journey that impacts you and your entire family unit. Even while surrounded by loved ones, you may still feel lonely and confused in this journey. However, you don’t have to go on this adventure alone. Here are some concepts you may be navigating as a transracial adoptee:
Ambiguous Loss: The lack of closure you feel around your adoption and the questions you have no answers to can be confusing, frustrating, and painful. In this case, your biological family is physically absent, but psychologically present. When you look in the mirror, you may wonder where your facial features came from, what unique quirks you might have had passed down to you, or even wonder if you have biological siblings. This can cause “frozen grief,” where there really is no clear ending.
The “In-Betweenness”: Many transracial adoptees experience phases of distress, confusion, and internal conflict regarding their physical appearance while growing up. You might feel like you don’t fit into your family’s culture or your racial culture. You may even feel like you’re somewhere in between, feeling like you have no place to belong. You may think, I’m an imposter in my own birth culture and are scared to be caught.
Enduring Microaggressions: Do you feel like you’ve normalized the hurtful comments and questions from peers and even your adoptive family? You might wonder if I’m considered my adoptive family’s “real” child and their motives for adopting you. It can all feel overwhelming and scary to even acknowledge or entertain those negative thoughts. Many transracial adoptees grow up in predominantly white spaces while externally being perceived as a minority in those spaces. It can cause so much confusion and internal racism from feeling unsupported and navigating those experiences alone. You may even feel afraid or frustrated at not being able to rely on your adoptive family to understand your lived experiences.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, addressing only a small portion of what many transracial adoptees face. As for identity, there’s a place for you; you might just have to create it for yourself. You’re allowed to be more than your racial identity and your adoptee identity; you can be both, formed into something new. When a culture does not fit you, don’t try to fit the culture; make a culture that fits you.
This blog post was written by Kaitlyn Robinson, a counseling intern. To learn more about how to navigate your transracial adoption journey, reach out to Kaitlyn at kaitlyn@acclchicago.com.
